Just Vent | Just Venting

I love her so much and she loves me too. But everyone from my friends to her parents thinks I'm too good for her even herself. She's the most needy person I've ever met. She cries at least one night a week because we don't live together and I can't sleep next to her, makes me late for work and curfew because she won't let me leave and I can't say no to her. And I still love her with all my heart. She spends every last dime I have. We eat out at least once a day if not more. At least 100 dollars a week on food alone for her while were still in school and I'm working just a few hours a week at a fast food place. My friends talk about how unattractive she is especially in comparison to myself. That's what causes her parents to hate me because they think that I think I'm too good for her and am just going to leave her. Absurd since it's been almost a year since we ran away together because she wanted to. I do everything in my power to keep her happy and I love her so much and we've planned our whole lives around each other. Because she thinks I'm better than her she is always worried that I am going to leave so she always wants me to tell her if she does anything I don't like, and when I do she'll fix it and it'll be no problem. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. Any time I even mention something, such as money earlier today she'll just lead me on a guilt trip. "I'm sorry that I make you spend money on me." she'll say whilst implying that I'm a cheap bastard who loves money more than her. I have $1.75 left after having $200 earlier in the week. It's these parts that send me into depression. She can be so hurtful that I want to kill myself sometimes. I'm a shred of the person I used to be when we first met and I'm just now gaining some of that back. After we ran away, everything was blamed on me even though I didn't think of the idea, want to go, or even have a reason to go outside of her wanting to go. I couldn't handle all of the hatred towards me that I just tore myself down and hated every part of what I once was because that's what everyone hated so I had to get rid of it. I can't tell you the number of times I've been moments away from suicide. That was a solid year ago yet I haven't so much as listened to my favorite band since because I feel like I should still hate my old self. I probably have pages more of grievances but I've forgotten what I've already said and don't want to retread, but in short: All I want to do is love her, but she makes it so hard to justify.