Just Vent | Just Venting

I'm so sorry.

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I'm sorry. Best wishes to your family in this difficult time.

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Thanks everyone. We've got the whole family in providence. We thought he was going to go last night, but it seems like he wanted to hold it together for a few more people to see him. Today he said he was all set.

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Ok, so here's another update... He's doing better tonight. Just tonight. Earlier today was horrible. His best friend came by and he was able to cry for the first time. He wasn't emotional with any of us and as soon as he walked in the room earlier today my dad reached up to him and pulled him down to hug him. He was tryig to be so strong for all of us and it was so nice to see that he had someone there that he was able to let out what needed to be let out.

He got to see quite a few more people today. but was in and out of it until about an hour and a half ago. He was responding to everyone, he was singing to the mix CD that my uncle (his brother) made for him: Beatles, Queen, Chicago, etc.

I maybe should have not submitted this as a muttr because it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Our entire family has been there on and off and I've been able to return the favor of spoon feeding and helping him go to the bathroom which he did for me some 24 years ago.

But never did I ever think that I wouldn't have gray hair while going through this with him. It's very hard to get ready and be ready when you're hoping for such a long run and a long battle, but it was quickly shortened last thursday when he started going down hill.

The best part is that he's not on ANY of his medications and the only thing he has on is a pain killer patch on his shoulder. And now that all that other crap has worn off from his body he seems to be getting a bit more energy to be able to respond. I will be staying the night again and keeping a close watch.

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Please keep writing. We're here for you.

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Recognize -- there is always another Way available. It doesn't matter what the doctor says, it doesn't matter how your father seems, there is always another way that a story can unfold. The ending to this story has not been decided yet, it has not been written in stone. It has the potential to move in another direction. Just recognize -- something else Is Possible, even if you can't see how it will come about.

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So I'm back at my Dad's house again. I haven't slept in two days. I've gotten a total of 4.5 hours of sleep in the past 2 nights. Mom says I need to sleep and I should stay here tonight and let their friends keep watch of him.

There are two of his friends that have been rotating the night shifts. One stays till 3 AM and then the next one comes in and keeps watch. The night shift is important because he doesn't know when he's in pain in his sleep. So the moaning that comes out of him indicates that he needs the next dose of pain killer.

TODAY... UN EFFING BELIEVABLE!!! Yesterday, he was up at 4:00 in the morning with visitors and it was non-stop until 10:00 PM.......... He was in and out of it all day but up for the majority. THAT was a good day. But TODAY!!! OMG!!! Yesterday, he got to see his best friend and most of his co-agents that he works with. He was so happy to be able to see them all. He was able to spend some time with each of them and speak to them and he brought up memories of each one with them all! And then TODAY!!!!! You wouldn't believe it............ Yesterday, he ended up extremely tired by the end of the day. He was never able to stay awake for than 5 to 10 minutes... and the naps were very short because everyone wanted to get a chance to see him just in case... ya know? You should have seen him TODAY! This morning, my mom laid with him. around 7:00 AM. Last night and into early this morning, he needed 3 doses of pain killers. 12:15 AM, 1:45 AM, and 4:00 AM. And he never had anything else for pain for the rest of the day. He was fine. Just the night time was tough. So TODAY: Mom told him this morning that it was ok for him to go. She laid in the hospice bed with him and told him everything was going to be ok. She let him know that we're all proud of him for doing so well. She asked if he could see anyone. Dad said he could see his Dad, his baby brother (who died at birth) and his Uncle who was a priest. Mom, again, let him know it was ok to go with them. Dad was barely able to say: "it isn't time to go yet."

We learned from yesterday that we needed to be able to manage his day and get him the sleep he needed throughout the day. None of this 10 - 15 people at a time in his room crap again! Limited access, and when he needed to nap, NO ONE speaks in the room!

Dad had no more than 4 or 5 people in the room at time with him. And every single time, he had ALL of them (us) laughing hysterically as he told jokes and laughed with us and yelled around using his normal voice... not his weakended voice. He had tons of energy! We were also able to get him to drink OVER 2 liters of water!!! 5 - 7 cups of water, 3 or 4 cups of flat diet coke (which tasted SOOOO good to him), a couple bottles of Vanilla Ensure, and he even ate something! He had a piece of my cousin's birthday cake. She's 21 today. The nurses in the building needed to document how much water he was taking in. The typical patient in his state would take 4 - 5 hundred milliliters for the ENTIRE day! He was OVER 2,000 milliters by 6:00 PM!!! He was so well hydrated that he was able to pee for the first time in a week without any pain! The dehydration tighted up and stiffened the prostate which caused immense pain to urinate just 3 or 4 drops. "Hey Dad, how was that this time?" "Oh god, I pissed like a fricken race horse!" I found that hard to believe because we didn't hear ANY moans and groans like we did yesterday coming from the room when he had to pee. Yesterday, he evacuated everyone from the room when he had to pee except for my mom and me. He needed the pep talks and bribes we were giving him to get him to pee. Today... he didn't need me. He only needed to show my mom what he was able to do. Didn't even need her help. He was able to pee in his diaper without pain!

So tonight..... Today, was a great day! He was literally bouncing off the walls (in bed) and anxious to move about! The edema swelling was 90 - 95% gone from his body.

Tonight, when no one was looking, he swung his legs off the side of the bed and sat up... all by himself. Two days ago, he was barely able to lift his arms. He sat up and said he was going to pee off the side of the bed into the pan... "enough of this diaper s***!" Yesterday, they changed him about a dozen or so times. Today, they changed him twice... Yesterday, the liquids that were coming out was not just water but the thick edema fluids from his body. Today it was much thinner and was not wiping him out so badly. He wants to walk to the bathroom and go sit on the toilet to take a s***. "No dad, not yet. Remeber when I touched the bottom of your feet to rub them and how it hurt? You can't walk on them because that's going to be a lot more pressure than my hands were." Tomorrow, I'm going to give him a really good foot massage and see if I can eventually press into the bottom of his foot without immense pain. If I can do that, I'll let him try to walk. I'm not getting my hopes up for a miracle here. I understand that MANY people in situations like this get bursts of energy before the rest of the body starts to shut down. But this was unreal.

Two days ago, I mentioned his best friend had come in to visit him. That was extremely tough. While I was in there laughing with him today with a couple of my Aunts and my cousin, his cell phone rang. "Oh, that's my cell phone!" I looked at his phone, it was best friend calling to speak with me to get an update. "Hey Dad, I'm answer this call." I put the phone up to his ear: "Good afternoon this is ..." First of all, he knew it was afternoon. When people are dying, I've seen it enough where they completely lose sense of time. He has yet to. Best Friend: "Uhh, is this junior? or senior?" Dad: "It's senior, wha'd you expect me to be dead or something?" Best friend: "Welllll uh well, well... ya know... well uhhh after a couple days ago, You weren't looking to great." Dad: "Well I'd be a hell of a lot better if they fed me damnit..." And it went on from there.

There were more tears and more super laughing. The laughing from him came with Laughing and Tears from us. It was such a great day! I never knew how strong my Dad was until how positive and energy thriving he was through all of this!!!

So after we all sang Happy Birthday to my cousin... we all whispered-sang so we could all hear my dad singing it with us! When you sing happy birthday to the birthday girl, you look at the birthday girl. Today, she sang with us while we all watched him! It was unbelievable... after we were done singing, he said everyone had to evacuate cuz he had to piss again. "I gotta pee real bad. Everyone out!" ME: "Wow, that just creeps right up on ya.." Dad: "Yeah! I feel like I'm gonna die!" this is while everyone is still in the room. He realizes what he just said and gives one of those looks like, "Woah, that came out pretty awkward, but take it as a joke!" Everyone laughed with him! It was the greatest day!

We've literally already seen 8 people come and go from different rooms in 3 days in this Hospice Care center. None of them had the time we have... None of them had the laughs we had... And none of them are still here. More of the rooms are filled up again. This is a place where people come to die... This is where they keep you comfortable. But the energy from our family is so intense that I don't think anyone can die with that around! He's feeding off our energy! There's a lot of hope still in this family. But there's also understanding that the cancer is just about everywhere in his body. It is only a matter of days...

When we go there on Tuesday, it was only a matter of hours. Yesterday, it was going to be today or tomorrow. Today... It might only be a few more days.

Damn, if we keep going like this... By the time we get to the day after tomorrow, we're talking months! It would be the first miracle of my life that I would experience first hand. And the first miracle, I'm sure, for alllllll of those people (100+) in the past 3 days that have come to see him.

Imagine...

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We're all here for ya man, hopes, prayers, support, comfort... whatever is needed.

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But there's also understanding that the cancer is just about everywhere in his body. It is only a matter of days...

But you don't know that. Listening to the story you described, it would seem that the exact opposite has happened. It could be that the cancer has been removed almost completely from his body. Do not doubt the healing power of love energy. You know what you experienced could not be explained by science. You said it yourself. Other people have been coming and going all this time. But your father is still here. Even he said "it's not my time yet". Maybe his intention is to live for a few more years, or 10 or 20. Know that option is available for him. Know that nothing has been decided or set in stone.

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Time of Spiritual Passing: 4:00 PM today.
Time of Actual Death: 4:20 PM today.

Love you Dad. Thank you for your loving sacrifice to be able to watch over and protect all of us. We are all so proud of you with how you handled the last few months.



*Added by MuttrStaff - http://www.thekeefefuneralhome.com/obituaries/obit_view.php?id=106

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No worries Nate-dizzle. Maybe I am an idiot for making it so public... Maybe that's what they're referring to?

Or maybe he/she is just jealous that they weren't able to have as good of a relationship with their father.

There'll always be at least one douchebag in the crowd. Hahaha!

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My Sincere Condolences.

I hope your father is able to rest in peace in his beautiful spiritual surroundings and I hope one day he will meet you again so you can be together forever.

Please pass on this message to your family and also pray for my dad too. He was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago.

Lots of love...... Anon (UK)

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