I'm in such a better mood today. I'm happier I guess. This freshman that has the cutest little crush on me kissed me yesterday and again today. People signed my yearbook since I'm moving away. That's kinda bumming me out. But I reading like I love to do and things are looking up
My uncle destroyed my aunt's life when I was 9. He is bipolar and went through a really bad imanea stage. Long story short, they got divorced, and we support my artist aunt and her kids. During the whole process, my dad was gone to Texas to help support and encourage my aunt and cousins. He was always gone for two years, and he missed a lot of important moments for me. I felt unloved and rejected by my family ... read more
I'm glad I'm reading again. It makes me feel better. Its like an escape from my own life to enter someone elses and picture the whole movie playing inside my head. When I stop reading I feel like I paused the movie, see how bad my life is going, and have to enter that world again. I kinda love it <3
All I can think about is the pain. And I wanna cut so bad. But I can't. I can't have fresh cuts. I have to be in a bathing suit this weekend in front of my friends. And if they see any cuts they'll tell for sure. But they don't understand how hard this is. They don't understand the pain. Ugh I can't control the tears right now i think I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do anymore
I wish I had the motivation to exercise.. I look at myself and all I see are flaws. I see a nearly overweight 17 year old. I am 5"2 and 150 pounds. No clothes look good on me.. I see girls who wear what ever they want, and they look amazing.. I can't look into a mirror without being disgusted. But when I ask people if I look like I could lose a few pounds or drop a couple dress sizes, they tell me I look fi ... read more
You know, maybe this is because I am so mental, but... so many other people have died. So many people have killed themselves. They've already been through it. Maybe in a really messed up sort of way, I will not be alone... I can share the experience with them and go through it too. No more bad memories. No more fear. No more guilt or shame, or the long days of being so desperately lonely all of the time and want ... read more
I work in the claims department for an auto insurance company. I am very good at my job and 95% of the time my customers are awesome. The other 5% will scream or cry at me over something so minor it's laughable - for example, sometimes claims take longer than expected. Nothing my customer needs to DO, it just takes more time than usual because of circumstances that I explain very clearly. Customers have told me ... read more
Lesson learnt: never even implicitly admit you're unhappy with your weight on tumblr, because your friends will rally round to scold you for not being 100% comfortable in yourself, ramble about how life is short and you should eat whatever you want, and make you feel like you're not a good feminist, in addition to being pudgy.
I have built these walls so high around myself that I only have three I can trust.. I feel like everyone else is lying to me or trying to hurt me.. and I don't know how to get out of this prison of paranoia I have built for myself.. What am I supposed to do? I just want to be happy..