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I'm sure there's a reason she did it. So, maybe you should stop doing whatever it is bugging her. Just a a tip.
#4 Anonymous 11/06/09 @ 01:35:02am Advice
+1 @ #1
lol @ #2
1. I read in a book about Judaism, that in their religion, a married couple takes a month each year that they spend apart. And now, you probably know why that is -- when you spend time apart, it creates and amplifies the desire to be together. When you spend all those years together, practically listening to her/him breath, it feels like she/he is always on your back. You begin to feel like you're suffocating. So, separation has a very healing quality to it.
2. As #1 mentioned, although you are still in love with some of the elements in your ex-partner, that relationship caused you to expand. And so, there might still be some aspects where you feel she cannot live up to your expectations.
Which is natural. I think the idea of having one partner for life is rather archaic. The person we are at age 20, is not the same person we are at age 40 or 60. So what is to say, what we desire in a partner, is going to be the same? And so, I think it's natural for a relationship to end, and for a new relationship to replace it.
3. I just heard of a case where a couple went for a divorce. They couldn't stand each other. A few months apart, and they're back together. And she tells me -- he's completely changed. All those things that bothered me about him -- GONE! So once again, separation (or rather, time alone where you can figure out who you are) has healing properties. Maybe you do want to get back together again.
On the other hand, if you're already living in another city, or another country -- maybe that's exactly what you wanted to prevent. You knew that you might pussy out in the future, and change your mind, so you subconsciously decided to get as far away from her as possible, so you wouldn't be able to go back.
That's my ramblings. It's up to you to decide which story you will tell.
lol @ #2
1. I read in a book about Judaism, that in their religion, a married couple takes a month each year that they spend apart. And now, you probably know why that is -- when you spend time apart, it creates and amplifies the desire to be together. When you spend all those years together, practically listening to her/him breath, it feels like she/he is always on your back. You begin to feel like you're suffocating. So, separation has a very healing quality to it.
2. As #1 mentioned, although you are still in love with some of the elements in your ex-partner, that relationship caused you to expand. And so, there might still be some aspects where you feel she cannot live up to your expectations.
Which is natural. I think the idea of having one partner for life is rather archaic. The person we are at age 20, is not the same person we are at age 40 or 60. So what is to say, what we desire in a partner, is going to be the same? And so, I think it's natural for a relationship to end, and for a new relationship to replace it.
3. I just heard of a case where a couple went for a divorce. They couldn't stand each other. A few months apart, and they're back together. And she tells me -- he's completely changed. All those things that bothered me about him -- GONE! So once again, separation (or rather, time alone where you can figure out who you are) has healing properties. Maybe you do want to get back together again.
On the other hand, if you're already living in another city, or another country -- maybe that's exactly what you wanted to prevent. You knew that you might pussy out in the future, and change your mind, so you subconsciously decided to get as far away from her as possible, so you wouldn't be able to go back.
That's my ramblings. It's up to you to decide which story you will tell.
#3 Anonymous 11/05/09 @ 11:10:21pm Advice
Be yourself. And don't let what he does be the basis of how you're going to behave/react. The whole premise that "If I chase him, he won't be attracted to me anymore", or "I think I ruined my chances", those are games that powerless, hopeless, desperate people play to discredit their dominant feeling -- which is telling them that, around the topic of relationships, they feel unworthy and undeserving of love and being with a loving partner.
So, first and foremost, address your dominant feeling. EVERYONE deserves love. EVERYONE deserves to be appreciated. There is Nothing that you can do, or that can be done to you, that will ever detract from the value of WHO YOU ARE as a human being.
And so, if there is any doubt as to how you should behave with this person, it's because you're in an experience where you know this on a deeper level, you know that you are always deserving of love. But on a surface level, you aren't allowing yourself to live that reality. You keep participating in the story where you think it can be taken away from you.
If I was in your shoes, I would make it my intention to, first and foremost, find someone that loves them self. Because if they can see reasons to appreciate them self, they can then also begin to appreciate another person -- you. And then, I would ask myself -- what can I focus on, what can I pay attention to about this person, that will allow me to express the love I feel for them? And I would make a list, it can be a mental list, of all the reasons I like them.
And then, the rest takes care of itself. And then, you naturally know what to do when the moment is right.
So, first and foremost, address your dominant feeling. EVERYONE deserves love. EVERYONE deserves to be appreciated. There is Nothing that you can do, or that can be done to you, that will ever detract from the value of WHO YOU ARE as a human being.
And so, if there is any doubt as to how you should behave with this person, it's because you're in an experience where you know this on a deeper level, you know that you are always deserving of love. But on a surface level, you aren't allowing yourself to live that reality. You keep participating in the story where you think it can be taken away from you.
If I was in your shoes, I would make it my intention to, first and foremost, find someone that loves them self. Because if they can see reasons to appreciate them self, they can then also begin to appreciate another person -- you. And then, I would ask myself -- what can I focus on, what can I pay attention to about this person, that will allow me to express the love I feel for them? And I would make a list, it can be a mental list, of all the reasons I like them.
And then, the rest takes care of itself. And then, you naturally know what to do when the moment is right.
#1 Anonymous 11/05/09 @ 09:32:37pm Advice
My friend, that is fucking life.
And I mean it. I'm exactly in your position right now. I'm in Paris, I broke up with my ex before coming here, she's in North America. We lived together, so my things are still at our place, where she still lives. We're still good friends and we've known each other for like 7 years now... I've known her for all of her adult life.
So we still chat, it still hurts, I still feel all these great moments, you know.
But remember, there's a reason why you guys broke up. You need to remember that.
Now if you want to come back with her, fine, but you need to accept that what has happen will happen again. If you accept that (honestly, you might feel like you accept it, but it's just your heart that is playing a trick on you), then fine, go at it again. Love does not just happen once. This is not hollywood.
But if you decide not to go at it again, know that... it will always hurt. You will aways feel something. When I see my first ex (it's been 7 years now), I still have a little something.
Go for it, or don't. But don't try to hide from it, that is not humanly possible (unless she raped you and forced you to have sex with a midget).
And I mean it. I'm exactly in your position right now. I'm in Paris, I broke up with my ex before coming here, she's in North America. We lived together, so my things are still at our place, where she still lives. We're still good friends and we've known each other for like 7 years now... I've known her for all of her adult life.
So we still chat, it still hurts, I still feel all these great moments, you know.
But remember, there's a reason why you guys broke up. You need to remember that.
Now if you want to come back with her, fine, but you need to accept that what has happen will happen again. If you accept that (honestly, you might feel like you accept it, but it's just your heart that is playing a trick on you), then fine, go at it again. Love does not just happen once. This is not hollywood.
But if you decide not to go at it again, know that... it will always hurt. You will aways feel something. When I see my first ex (it's been 7 years now), I still have a little something.
Go for it, or don't. But don't try to hide from it, that is not humanly possible (unless she raped you and forced you to have sex with a midget).
#1 Anonymous 11/05/09 @ 11:20:58am Advice
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