I don't need to get high. I just want to feel better. Why does everyone hate me. I'm so loyal. So caring. So respectful. Why must everyone talk s*** about me behind my back. Multiple suicide attempts. I don't know why I don't go through with them. It's not like anyone will miss me. Right now I'm smoking tobacco mixed with valarian root and kava trying so hard to get high. The only thing that ever helped my depression was weed. But the way things are going it's hard to get any... read more
The other day the one I love and I fought, and it ended up with me becoming so depressed I wanted to kill myself. I told him andat the time he didn't reply. It wasn't until a day later and we talked and I found out how he felt. He called me selfish, and was super mad at me. He hates that I'm really emotional, and when I say emotional i cry over everything, just as easily as he gets mad. I love him, and I know I can live without him, I just wish he understands what he dose to ... read more
I really haven't been feeling up to existing, lately. It'd be really nice to just stop for a while. Like, I don't necessarily want to die or anything, but becoming absolutely nothing sounds pretty appealing. I feel like an extra in the movie of my life. I've noticed that it's almost like I'm invisible. "Almost" because they see me. I know they do. Something in their eyes when they look at me seems casually repulsed. Like there is some subconscious, primal instinct that urges ... read more
I f***ing hate tinder. i've gotten a bunch of matches and have been talking to guys but I don't want this s*** to be taking up my time.I'm not even looking for hooking up. I just liked doing it the old fashioned way, f***! Why does this seem so much harder? How the f*** do you flirt through the internet? Pics of my t***? g**d*** technology. I'm not even that old for christ's sake! I'm f***ing 30! Why does dating get so much more f***ed up after your 20's?
I am so f***ing done with this psycho birch that comes to my work and calls my work all the time. I work in a clinic and she calls all of the f***ing time. When I answer she's like can I talk to someone else. No b**** you're gonna talk to me because your f***ing psycho and hate me for the dumbest reasons. I'm so tired of her being so f***ing rude. This racist b**** said to one of my colleagues that I am a tall rude Eskimo. IM f***ING WHITE AND HISPANIC YOU STUPID RACIAT b****... read more
I f***ing hate having a severe mental illness. the bad stigma, the fistfuls of meds, the medication side effects, the therapy every week, the group therapy every week, going to behavioral health hospitals, the suicide attempts, the mania, the voices, the deep depression, the agoraphobia,the disconnectedness to my surroundings, having my family always taking care of me because I can't do it myself, the anxiety of having someone find out I'm mentally ill, losing so many jobs be... read more
Lately I've been spending most of my awake time wishing I was dead. I feel guilty for not trying to fix that, but I just can't be made to care anymore.
What annoys me the most is that when I wake up in the morning, I feel happy. It goes away as soon as I remember how my life went to hell during the last months, but that instant in which I don't feel like s*** is actually the most torturous thing. It reminds me of how life could be if I was someone else.
I wish so called "sweepstakes" such as hgtv dream home, also gave away a moderate home to a family in need (via a blind vote amongst all entrants) along with the contest. I used to watch those design shows until it made me realize how annoying it was to watch folks whine about the color of granite or dated tile when some folks don't have a roof over their heads.
So i have this amazing family, friends, im in school and i have a job. But why do i feel like im missing something in my life? My family isn't perfect but their mine. My friends... i swear i feel like i don't have any AT ALL. Yeah we share secrets and laugh about anything but i feel as if when it comes for them to really being their for me ..they go ghost. They have loaned me money, picked me up when i needed it etc but not one, one at all will take the time with me to celebr... read more