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I have so much fun f***ing small minds, they are nice and tight!

How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

Intolerance will not be tolerated!

I wish I could just hold you in my arms after we rewind about 3yrs when I fully trusted you. Maybe this present day I have lost sight of the real honest you or I'm gullible or I only see and hear what I want to see. Loneliness sucks, I had a very close friend and now he's gone and I miss that person and the night my life started. My senses have become dull and I'm tired of trying to make it seem that everything is okay.

I am aching in my heart, my first and true love has stooped to the lowest of the low. How does one tell that person that you are aware that they've done that to you when they won't hear a word of it? That's the part that sucks and hurts the most. All I want to do is protect this particular individual but there's nothing I can do to get that message to that person. I love her so much. I just wish I could go back 3 maybe 4 years ago and change who I was to make today's date a b... read more

Why do they call them homo's as homo means human?

Girl: Why are you so ugly? Boy: I'm you from the future.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Sex to a man is like hunger. If he can't get into an expensive French restaurant, he will go to McDonalds.

Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Never trust a man that says, "Trust me." and never trust a woman that says "It's fine."

I feel empty. Every day I get up, go to a job I hate, then go home and try to work on my own things. The problem is, nothing is going on in my head. I don't really have any ambition either.

How many on here hate fatherless black rodents?

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

You're so beautiful that last night you made me forget my pickup line.

What's the definition of "Tender Love?" Two gays with hemorrhoids.

If God hadn't meant the p**** to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco.