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We all have that friend who is pretty but is always saying "Oh I need to work out" "I wish I was naturally pretty so I don't have to wear make-up" but yet she always has guys falling all over the place and going out of their way to do stuff for her. And then they go on about how ugly they are. STFU. Stop trying to fish for compliments. AND she's always complaining about her boyfriends! b**** JUST BE A LESBIAN THEN

Why are men such shits?
He hasn't texted me back for 48 hours now, even though I know he's been on his phone because he has been on facebook. He told me all weekend that he missed me and wanted to see him but when I told him I was free he's either decided to work late, or he's been too tired, or he's made other plans. He says that he cares, but it really feels like he doesn't.
I don't deserve to be ignored by him, I'm not that bad of a person.

Work should finish at 2 on Fridays

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas... How he got into them, I'll never figure out!

Alot on my mind tonight

What a pisser. I've had the online name exoboy since the Precambrian days of AOL dial up... NOW there is an awful Korean boy-band called the EXO boy band... And you guessed it... Now exoboys comes up whenever I search for my name! C'mon you weenies. Get your own web identity!

My sons grandma is a whore! What is that teaching him? Watching his grandma bring someone that isn't his grandpa around? What does that teach him about women? How is he suppose to respect women when his grandma is an example of a woman that doesn't respect herself, her husband, or her children? What does that say to a child? I don't want him around her!

Since this is anonymous. Admit it! Who doesn't love a nice, big, round a** bouncin' in yer face! Ha!

Leonard Nimoy: neither living long, nor prospering. Good bye, my friend... Or should I say "God be with yee"?

WOMAN... Whoooooo man! Wilma, stop this crazy thing... Called life.

She smelled like soup! Vegetable soup! And after she left, I still don't know what happened to my cat...

I loved the way she smelled, and tasted, felt, and was. I have a hole in my heart.

Do, just how many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?

Don't say 3... The owl cheated!

If Johnny had three apples and gave one apple to Suzy, then how many apples would Johnny have?

Answer: 0

That biiiitch left and took EVERYTHING!

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar... Whoop! Didn't see that one comin' didja? Lol lop bun hit sed add cut bun...

I want a room with a view. A view of you. I am a fool who will spend the rest of his life saying, "if only..."

He says to the bartender, "I'm look in' for the man who shot my paw!"

And actually, he is a dog...

He has a bandaged hand...

A guy walks into a bar...